stories

Having differences between her and her adopted parents, Nia left home at the age of 16.

Because my adopted parents already had children of their own, I never felt like part of the family. I was always compared to them. If you should adopt, then you should think very carefully. You have a good heart, but you should think ‘why’ beyond your own desire because the children you adopt have feelings, too.”

Nia was teased by others in her youth not due to her Korean origins, but because of her symptoms associated with cerebral palsy., however, she did not let that become a setback. Nia worked in a Chinese restaurant and eventually learned how to cook Korean cuisine.

There was a Korean Adoptees Club picnic last week, and I made a lot of Korean food. When I arrived, I was the only one who brought Korean food. They were so surprised and I was, too. People had pasta salad and I brought bulgogi. Cuisine is like art. If you think that way, then it’s easy to cook.”

Nia arrived in Denmark at the age of 3. Even though she left her adopted home at a young age, she is still thankful for her adoption.

I turn 50 next year. If I didn’t come to Denmark, I don’t think I would have survived in Korea because of my handicap. I don’t think I would be 49 if I were somewhere else. I have no regrets. I see people that have a worse life than me. The best help people can get is the help to help themselves. Education.”

Born in 1973 in Korea, Sidse was adopted to a Danish family when she was 4 ½ years old. The process was so traumatic for her that she does not recall her first two years in Denmark. She eventually realized that she was going to be taken care of and became very attached to her dad.

As a child, I have felt safe. I have had all of the opportunities in the world. It must have felt wrong as an adoptee [growing up] to question things. I was afraid of hurting my parents, but still I was not happy. I have never experienced bullying and always had friends, but still I felt I didn’t belong and I couldn’t explain it. It was looking at the mirror that made me feel different from my friends.”

I was 40 years old when I first reunited with my biological father in Korea. Even though we know that we can’t speak the same language, we were able to understand each other at times with just body language. I felt comfortable around him even though he was a stranger.”

If I have any suggestions for anyone else who is doing a search [for their biological family], you should just go for it and do what’s necessary because if that’s what you feel you need to carry on and be a happy person, then that’s what you should do. You might have obstacles, or have a bad outcome, you might not find them or they might be dead. But just knowing something, the facts, that’s what every adoptee urges to have. Who am I? What happened to me? Why was I put to adoption?”

As a biomedical laboratory scientist, Pia manages and leads her staff in the collection and analysis of blood samples. She is pictured with the obstetrics book she used while studying for her initial path to become a midwife:

I always had thought that I would become a midwife. I started studying in 2002, and after 2½ years, I found out that my path was not the right thing for me. I had a big crisis because I had always thought it was the way for me. I attended the biomedical laboratory scientist school and was educated in 2009. I think the things I learned about myself and about people at the midwife school have had a lot of meaning of who I am today. I use it in my job as a leader. As a student at the midwife school I met one of my best friends. So all of these things together is why the book is so special for me.”

Pia did not experience feeling like an “outsider” in the community she grew up in.

I lived with Danish parents, we did everything like everybody else – traditions, holidays, activities after school, etc. I had Danish friends that accepted me as who I am, and my black hair was not an issue. I didn’t have any Korean friends – except for my brother! We grew up in a small village and there were no other adoptees. We were just the children of Ole and Lene.”

Pia arrrived in Denmark at 9 weeks old. She has no particular interest in visiting Korea and would rather visit other places if she had the funds.

Jens is a father, educator, and a counselor whose work supports teenagers and young adults who suffer from autism, ADD, ADHD, and neglect from parents. He is currently working on a documentary focusing on the psychological challenges of adopted Korean men.

I collect watches, and I got this particular watch for my 30th birthday from my girlfriend. It symbolizes a time where I pursued the biggest goal in my life and never felt better about myself. I was trying to be a Frogman (The Danish Navy Seals). I knew that if I succeeded in becoming a Frogman, I would be accepted into a brotherhood that saw no ethnicity and color, but only the skills you have. I constantly feel like I have to prove myself when I meet new people or strangers. Like ‘I’m not a dumb immigrant who doesn’t know the language. No, I do not own a Chinese restaurant’ and so on. I’m not that interested in soccer (Danish national sport) so it’s hard to bond with other males. And I’m not that interested in watching sports in general.”

Jens was adopted at five months old. He does not have any interest in visiting Korea at this time.

A personal assistant to two members and former ministers of the Danish Parliament, Folketinget, Louise is photographed with a pair of yellow infant shoes that were among her sole possessions when she arrived in Denmark at sixteen months of age.

To be or not to be… a Dane (or Korean). When I was a child (and teenager), I refused to talk about my biological background. My adoptive parents gave me books about Korea, but I would not even look in them. Why should I? I was not at all different. That was how I was thinking at that time. I did not want to talk about my adoption – I lived in Denmark, so why talk about my few years in Korea? I felt Danish, I behaved Danish. I really felt like a Dane. But every time I walked past a mirror, I realized that I did not look like a Dane. I felt blonde and I felt that I had blue eyes. But every time I looked into that mirror, my reflection showed otherwise. I looked like a Korean. In time, I have learned to accept myself as I am. 9 years ago I became a mother, and I started thinking more about my biological origins. My daughter looks like me and we think alike. But who do I look like? I hope that one day, I will be able to travel back to Korea. Not necessarily to find my biological family, but to find out more about the country in which I was born.”

Louise was found in the streets in Korea before an orphanage took her in.